SAD!,,,but what are friends for then?!

It is really sad to see a life struggle in the unending quest for peace or joy, whatever. In this maze, everyone going around endlessly, searching for the exit. And in the quest for the ultimate exit, we come across fellow-beings. These help us move along more 'smoothly'. These beings are friends! They help u see the old, drab and dusty daily living in a a new light! They help u notice and take care of yourself. They are like beacons of lights, in a stormy sea. God promised to save mankind and then He sent his son to save us. And when we killed His Son, He fragmented Himself and gave us friends. But even there He put a catch - deserve a friend! Learn to keep them like pearls in the oyster. Or they will be lost in this sea of life. So treasure your friends, who knows the Almighty might be watching you through them...

Lost...

I wanted my blog to be a place where I posted good positive posts about day to day living. But it is turning out to be a place where my emotions spill out in form of words. As I travelled home today, with the sun setting over another cold day. The passing scenery if it can be called a scenery, looked the same as yesterday or the day before. The same highway, the same travellers, the same earth. As yesterday, this day too has passed. The timelessness of time! I wonder over this phrase. Each moment is supposed to be different, yet each is same in the sense that each passes away , never to come back. Each moment lost! All this life around me, passing in the same way, lost in the pursuit of living! Does that make sense? I look around me for something to hold on, something to anchor on. But all around I see flailing arms, each trying to hold on, hold on to something that was never there.But in this world of nothingness, where each and everyone is silently pleading for help, is this for real? Selflessness-the word itself is self-ish! So my dearest loved ones, whenever we are each alone in our loneliness, let us reach out to each other. Maybe that is the whole point of not feeling lost!

To Kartik

A mind as sharp as a sword
Words cutting edge
Heart, a melting pot of emotions
Understanding yet cruel
Care sheathed knife
Cutting off fear, procrastination
Unknown but all knowing
Stranger yet a friend!

Hurt in the time of Love!!

No matter how hard I try to be a neutral person, the one who is affected by nothing, I end up being hurt. I have tried and failed miserably not to be hurt by friend and foe alike. The ppain which begins with a few words and ends up in a torrent of tears. Whether the words were meant to be arrows or not, they pierce the senses nevertheless. I make my self understand, and hope that the tears will lessen the hurt, but it still does.

Khalil Gibran, the great Lebanese poet, has said that hurt and sorrow creates an emptiness. But we can fill ourselves with joy only if we are empty. So I let myself be vulnerable to hurt, to love, to life. I want to experience everything. The pain of harsh words, the crushing feeling of betrayal, the softness of a childs kisses, the sensuality of a lover's carress, the anger of helplessness... Everything... Cause I know only when I am empty, will I be filled and overflow. What we choose to fill ourselves with defines a successful life. So I embrace the tears, for the Sun of love and joy awaits me on the otherside of this night.

deja vu?

The road seems familiar. There are the same turns and cul se sacs. The steps that I am taking are not steady. The same questions pop up at different intervals. A whole chapter seems to be ending, but without any 'The End'. Everytime I pull my defences and shields all around me, to be secure and fell protected. But there always remains that crack, a tiny leak, which allows the monster of insecurity to seep in undetected. I become aware of that horror and helpless too. There are words and assurances all around. But they seem hollow. They echo around the empty shell-like structure that has been erected within my heart. Be brave and face it. Face what? A shattered mirror. Every piece reflects the broken image which I am so desperately trying to project. Its the same story. I will have to pick up the pieces and try and stick them together, only to have another come and shatter it again...

Death and the Living!!

It has to be all wailing and sobbing when anyone passes away. My neighbour, a 50 year old man, passed away due to liver failure last week. It was not that shocking as he was very ill. Since early morning, my neighbour's house was crowded with relatives and friends as he had passed in the night. I was expecting the wailing and loud cries to start any moment. But they never came. The level of reactions was different amongst the different age groups. The elderly were very quiet and by elderly, I mean the ones above 75 years of age. The middle aged and the 'less' elderly were disscussing topics from business to the prices of vegetables to the traffic jams. The younger groups were busy on their mobliles, chatting away to glory with their regular friends.
I avoided going to pay my condolences that day. The family was busy serving refreshments. To an observer who had no idea about the happening it would seem as just another celebration.
For two days, it was the same scene. Uncles, aunts, Grannies...
Just I was about to feel guilty about not having visited my neighbour, I met her. I immediately said how sorry I was not to have talked to her earlier. I was feeling awkward and totally at a loss for topics. But it seemed that she had chosen the topic herself. She began with the details of the evening of the D-Day till he was cremated. There was this faithful side-kick with her ( I call her that as she was filling in with the appropriate sighs and words, at the appropriate time). Luckily, my tot, who was annoyed at being kept from her cartoons for so long, began pulling me inside our flat. I left my neighbour, with the look in her eyes which said ' wait, I have to yet tell you the other minute details'.
Later, as I sat pondering over the chat, I realised how she had put herself into the automated gear, ready to explain to everyone who came to her, in detail about the most common question 'How did this happen?'
Has death become such a light-hearted topic for us? Being a bit on the spiritual-side, I know that the soul is immortal and all that stuff... so will the poor fellow's soul be tormented when It sees the indifference of the Living!!