Scattered ...

It is very difficult to appear as a whole. A whole person, with rational thoughts and sane words. I find bits of me scattered throughout the timeline that I have lived so far. Some bits of me left out there, attached to different memories. The first time I got to go out alone with my friends, that sense of ultimate independence attached with that moment! I still cannot get that bit of me out of that space and time. Then that bit of me that was left when my heart first broke... I still cannot find that piece to fit in to the void that still remains. And then those parts of me that are floating in the memories of those friends and pals. So many bits and pieces! How to be present in this moment and to live this moment to the fullest? As I still wonder and ponder about this problem, yet another bit of me gets embedded in this blog, hoping to be read and understood. People come and go, some take a part of me willingly and with fondness. Yet there are those who have torn away at my wholeness, perhaps unwittingly or may be deliberately, I cannot say. Sometimes the sheet of my conciousness gets riddled by holes, different parts and diffeent memories drift in and out of those holes. The pain of hurting a loved one, the joy of beholding a new life in myself, the anger of losing out on life, the guilt og letting down, and the sorrow of a lost love. All these things and more I attempt to hold together, in the futile attempt of resembling a whole...