Relationships....

Trying to wash of the stench of a rotten relationship is worse than getting off an ink stain from a white shirt. The more you wash it off your soul, the more it keeps on stinking. You nourish a relationship with love and emotions and feelings, watch it grow… trying to save it from the harsh sun of pride, from the cold blasts of indifference, from the floods of impatience. Yet, many a times, unheeded, the weeds of doubt creep in and plant their roots firmly in the fertile soil of your imagination. It feeds on the false manure of the ego and sprouts. It grows in stealth, creeping slowly but surely on your conscious thoughts, spreading its tendrils of fear deep inside. It stifles the tender plant of the relationship, killing it slowly but surely. Then, comes the flood of tears, drowning the remnants of the dying shrub. What remains is a rotten, decayed pulp, infested with accusations and threats. There comes a time, when one decides to throw away the rotten pulp, and begin something new. But the stench is there. Filling the newly dug up earth of your heart, with pain.

Thoughts!!

Travelling makes me ponder. I live in a city where life moves at the speed of sound. Every moment, it changes. Whether it is the fresh morning travel or the tired evening travel, it is always a new experience. Sitting on a seat besides a window, watching the other vehicles zipping by purposefully to over take each other and reach in time, I usually get lost in a different world. Travelling from one realm of thought to another, like a flowing river. Thoughts are like run away convicts. You try to keep them under surveillance, yet they manage to escape. Stray thoughts, like stray dogs, roaming here and there, without any focus. Stubborn thoughts which refuse to go away no matter how many stones you throw at them. Thoughts which fly to those nooks of your mind where you have hidden those lost memories. Nudging and sometimes, breaking the barricades, letting nostalgia flood your senses. Sometimes, knocking on the dust covered doors of my mind where I may have locked up monsters or demons. Thoughts converging and diverging, wandering lost or running with a purpose. Thoughts who have reigns and thoughts which fly free like a bird. Sometimes bringing a smile to my face, sometimes making me hide a tear.

My Cup of TEA!!

Sitting on the window sill, I wondered about the many evenings that I had spent just looking at the sky. Sometimes, there would be clouds. At other times, the clear sky would be coloured golden pink and orange, not sure of the colour it wanted to retain. I had seen the dark of the night win over the different colours that the Sun so happily left behind. But the dark was not always dark. That was the beauty of it. All colours lost in it and yet, it was still beautiful. Stars, and sometimes the various moods of the moon. And every time my reverie would be broken as soon as I brought my eyes back to my horizons. The candescent man made light illuminating the reality. Reluctantly, I tried not to be jolted back into the present. The memories still lingered around my mind as the expensive perfume which lingers even after the day is gone through. You try a lot to smell the fragrance and feel as fresh as you felt when you applied it, but you can’t. Lowering myself slowly into the awareness of my surrounding and getting my grip back on myself, I made tea for my family. Peculiar way they have tea, like the British. I loved the stronger brew that I used to have at the roadside tapriwalah near my office. His vessel had a layer of all the past tea that he had ever brewed. Each time, he made the concoction; a mark would be left on his vessel. No amount of scrubbing took off the mark, though sometimes, it did lighten a bit. It was like the experiences we all went through. Every event leaves an indelible mark on us. Time may lighten it but it cannot erase it. But the tea used to be awesome. Just the right amount of sugar, the strong pungent flavor of ginger and boiled and boiled! This tea was a sham for a mug of milk. I often told my parents to just have the milk, why make me go through all the process of making the tea brew? But then that is how it is. You begin making something else and end up with something else. You start your life, strategically planning out all your dreams and aspirations. You try to make the perfect decisions. You think you take the perfect decisions. And when you sit back and take a sip, it tastes different.
Sitting with my cuppa, made to my likeness, I felt free. No one could make me change the way I loved my tea. Perhaps all the nutrients and good stuff was destroyed, but who cared for it any way. As long as my cup of tea was the way I liked and made me feel refreshed, I really did not care for the nutrients. Why did I take all those nutrient supplements for anyways? My life, my tea.

Happy :)

A great beginning to the day, makes a lot of difference to us. Happy beginnings change the whole outlook and makes us ready to face anything that life may throw at us. A smile from someone you care and the feeling of being wanted and cared for. Even if these are not there, look for the small things that we may miss out on. A cute child ready for school. birds chirping happily, a friend you may meet. It makes all the difference.

Guilt

I have seen and experienced many weird effects of the feeling of guilt. This is a feeling and not an emotion. It causes the most powerful emotion, the emotion of fear. And once there is fear in play, all peace of mind vanishes. Guilt is a very powerful subjugating tool that any one can use against you. You become helpless and pathetic. Overcoming this feeling is not easy. It gnaws you from within and eats up your self confidence and ruins everything. Guilt of not doing or doing something... according to the norms of the society or the world. SO if you want a peaceful night's sleep, kill that GUILT!!

Freedom

Freedom has become very relative. What do I need or want freedom from? Contemplation has led me to believe that I will not be happy with freedom. How can I be happy if I am free? Dependency is ingrained into my gene code. Dependence on everything. I am dependent on being happy for having a good night's sleep. For happiness, I am dependent on 'N' number of things. All things in my life should go right or how will I call myself 'Happy'? Take air for example. I am dependent on ti to be alive!! The list is endless. A good job, traffic-free roads, good food, good clothes, enough money... on and on! The list is endless. So how could I celebrate freedom? I may not be a conspicuous slave, but I am a slave none-the-less. I am slave to the norms of the society. I am slave to a certain established behavior. So, how am I free? How is anyone free?

Laughter - The best healer!

I was told that laughter is the best medicine and now I have experienced it too. Laughing my head off at some silly joke or some funny scene, has become a habit. No, it is not craziness. It is just the pure mirth that surrounds me at those times. The healing effects are numerous. For atleast an hour or so, I don't seem to have any problem, pain or tears in my life. It is like floating on the water, without the fear of drowning. Laughing has cured me of headches. It also makes me think clearly about many things. And when the clouds of emotions are cleared by the sun of laughter, I can see and discern things very clearly.

Life Anew...

Every moment, every second... Life changes. It manifests in so many ways. Sometimes easy, sometime tough. But every moment is colored in different hue. Like the different colours of the rainbow, life has been as magical for me. Every moment that is passing me by, is clouring not only life but my soul too. The energy of red, the calmness of blue, the freshness of yellow, the depth of indigo, the inspiration of orange, the soothing green...